Special to the Journal-Register

Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors and tactics used by one person over another to gain power and control, according to Cheryl Gee of the local branch of the Farmworker Legal Services of New York. This may include verbal, financial, emotional, sexual and physical abuse. Domestic violence occurs in heterosexual, as well as same-sex partnerships, and crosses all ethnic, racial and socio-economic lines.

The following story is an excerpt from the statement and U Visa declaration of one of the clients of the FLSNY/VRC/IIB’s Farmworker Domestic Violence Program. This testimonial is being published with the client’s permission on the condition that all identifying details are changed to protect the privacy of all parties involved.

“I married my husband in Mexico in 1999. His violent behavior toward me started that very day. He forced himself on me, saying we are married now and ‘You are mine, my property.’

“He stated that he wanted to ‘get me any where he could,’ and raped me in many different ways.

“For the next nine years, his violence toward me included physical beatings and unwanted sex. I was forced to watch pornographic movies to ‘learn how it’s done.’ Humiliation, degradation and verbal obscenities were an everyday occurrence.

“He would point to the women in the films and say, ‘Look at those bodies, that’s the kind of woman I’m craving for. I don’t know why I married you.’

“He would drag me by my hair around the house saying I was nothing but a lazy fat girl, good for nothing, an idiot. He said that I didn’t know how to please a man, so he would have to go to prostitutes to have it done right. He hit me frequently and did whatever he wanted to do with me; I was only 16 and a half. He said that the woman was good only for bearing children and taking care of them and had to do what the man said.

“Since I was a little girl my mother had treated me very poorly. To her, a woman was filthy, revolting, disgusting — to be loathed. I heard that so many times that it became a part of me, how I felt about myself.

“After Oscar and I were married, we resided with my grandparents. They would give us food and they also provided a room for us. My husband was a constant threat to my grandparents because he often threatened them with physical harm or would shove them — especially when they tried to intervene for me.

“My grandfather was sick with diabetes and was frail; my marital problems with Oscar and his threats were too taxing for my grandfather and affected his health. Eventually, the stress took a greater toll on his health and my grandfather died.

“When Oscar did work, he never left me any money; his pay went for his vices: having fun in the bars, drinking with women, buying his beer and cigarettes. Sometimes he would use drugs, and that is when he would hit me the most.

“I became pregnant with my first child two months into my marriage. My husband said the baby I was expecting wasn’t his and who knew where it came from.

“Just a few days before my son was born, my husband beat me relentlessly. That day I summoned the courage to file a lawsuit against him. I had witnesses and affidavits to testify on my behalf, only to be told by the judge to return to my husband. The judge said I had to be with him because he was my husband and I would have to put up with him.

“My son was born in 2000. Two weeks after he was born, my husband went out to get drunk again. When he returned home, he beat me. I became very sick from that incident and close to losing my life. He asked me to forgive him, but I told him that I wanted to leave. My parents did not support me in my decision. They complained that it would not look right for me to leave my husband.

“In October 2003, my husband came to the United States and left me behind with his mother. I lived in her house with our son for seven months while my husband pleaded for us to join him in the U.S. We entered the U.S. without inspection in 2004. I had hoped that we would have a better life here. My husband had been going to church and said that with pastoral guidance he had turned his life around.

“Shortly after I arrived in the states, I found out that it wasn’t so.

“It wasn’t long before he had hit me and forced acts of sex on me. His old habits were in full swing, abusing me and my son.

“In 2008 I was pregnant again but had made the decision to leave my husband once and for all. We had separated soon after that. My husband was threatening me that if I didn’t go back with him he would report me to immigration so they could put me in jail.

“Later that year I was sleeping in bed when there was a very loud knock on the door. I went and opened the door, and my husband barged in. I pulled it away from him but he pushed me and he hit me in the stomach, many times and very hard. Almost immediately I began having contractions and bleeding. It was a few days later when I went to the hospital that I was told by the doctor that my baby had died. They would have to remove the baby from my uterus. I was eight weeks along in my pregnancy.

“Two weeks after losing my baby, I started working again. My husband would come for the children in a drunken state and he would take them in that condition. He would hit them frequently; he hit my older son with a belt on various occasions. One day he left him black and blue and sent him to school where someone took notice, and another report was filed. Then the department of Social Services became involved.

“In October, my husband came to the house and started knocking on the windows saying he was going to kill me and my lover; he always accused me of having one, since I wouldn’t go back to him. He said he wanted to kill me that day, and he had a knife on him and also a gun. The police were called and arrived quickly, but he had already left the house.

“The police were still at my house when he called me. The police officer told my husband they wanted to see him. When he returned, the police arrested him and took him away. They said he wouldn’t be bothering me again. I explained my legal situation to the police and they gave me information as to who I could call for help.

“Because I was now safe from my husband’s abuse, I could finally open up and tell the worker from Child Protective Services what had been going on in my home and with my children. All the charges against me were dropped and the case was closed.

“After all of that turmoil I went to see a doctor — all those years of being hurt and threatened had taken a toll, leaving me feeling very frightened, frustrated and nervous. There were times I didn’t want to go on living. I saw a doctor and he prescribed certain medications that could help me.

“Since I began taking this medication, I feel much better. Taking the medication and meeting with my counselor help manage the depression I have. My children tell me and I can see that they are happy now; things are going better for them in school, too.

“I am especially grateful that my children’s teacher at the Even Start program referred me to the Domestic Violence Project of Farmworker Legal Services of New York and the Victim Resource Center. With the aid of the project attorney, arrangements were made for me to turn myself into immigration, as I had missed a court appearance while in the hospital when I lost my baby. Immigration put me under supervision with an ankle bracelet for nine months, but as the attorney had begun my application for a U Visa, within three months I was given permission to work and obtain a Social Security number, and now I am also obtaining my driver’s license.

“Most recently, after a final immigration court proceeding, my deportation case was closed and I am now waiting for the final word on my application for the U Visa.

“I appreciate immensely all that is being done on my behalf and that of my children’s to help and protect us. I wish to give special thanks to my attorney, Denise, from Victim Resource Center and also to Alina and Cheryl from Farmworker Legal Services, and Cynthia from the Victim Resource Center. They have saved our lives.

“I am praying that my immigration status will be ultimately resolved with the grant of a U Visa, and that the children and I can find rest from violence and torment, and that we can continue to live in peace here in the United States.”

This is the second article in a two-part series. To view the first article, go to www.journal-register.com.