My daughter, Melissa, dropped my grandson off at the house the other day.
She asked if I'd mind watching him until she could pick him up later. She's a teacher and with the school-year winding down and tests being administered, their schedules have varied lately from the synchronized norm of a daily routine. Dominic is a middle-school student who had just finished taking his science exam.
“How do you think you did on your test?” I asked him.
“It wasn't too bad. I think I did alright.”
“Were there any questions that threw you for a loop?” I continued.
“What's 'threw you for a loop'?” he asked.
“That means any questions you didn't understand — other than mine” I explained.
“Maybe a couple.”
Thinking I could show him how smart his grandfather was, I asked him to test me on one of the questions from the exam. I figured I'd let him experience genius — first hand. I pride myself in being almost as smart as a 12 year-old.
“OK,” he said, “here's an easy one. What type of wave emanates from an earthquake?”
“Well, ah ... what’s ‘emanate’ mean?”
“You can't ask questions when you're taking a test.”
“I knew that. A tidal wave? No wait — a quaker wave? How about a wave good-bye to your house? Hey, let's go outside. I'll show you some worms.”
“Worms?”
“Yeah,” I said nonchalantly, trying to shift gears, “we'll all be up on the river in a week or two — and, so, I thought I'd save some money on the bait by picking our own worms. No sense paying for them when they're free. Haven't picked my own worms in years, but I haven't lost my touch. In fact, it seemed a lot easier than I remembered.”
Once outside, I pointed to the old coffee can that I'd stored them in and told him to take a look. Slowly lifting the lid, he peered inside, looked up and asked, “You said they were easier to pick than you remember?”
“That's right. I must be getting quicker or the worms are getting slower. I like to think of it as experience being the reason. Whatever, I snatched them up and threw them in that can before they even knew what hit them.”
“I think I know why it was so easy. Papa, did you know that there's nothing in here but a bunch of little brown twigs?”
OK, there WERE some twigs in the can. But there were worms in there, too. OK, maybe there were only four worms in the can. OK, truth is: There weren't any worms in the can, but I thought there were.
Perhaps an earthquake opened the can and set them free. Hey, you never know — the container could have been picked up by that earthquake wave and shook the worms out. Off they went — never to be seen again.
My grandson didn't buy that baloney, either.
Trying to save face in front of him, I suggested that maybe we could use the twigs as bait since they “kind of looked like worms.”
He responded with “What are we going to catch, tree limbs that kind of look like fish?”
And I thought I was as smart as a 12-year-old.
That's the way it looks from the Valley.
Tom Valley is a Medina resident who writes a column every Wednesday for The Journal-Register. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.
Opinion
VALLEY: Making seismic waves
- Opinion
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There are bobcats in our area
In recent years, local residents have had the chance to witness some interesting animals within our borders. Among those that generated the most press and most talk were the black bears that frequented the area for a couple of months. The beasts elicited either fear or appreciation, depending on one’s perception of bruins. More often than not, the former emotion ruled the day.
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Governor needs to stay on point
Last week in the governor’s State of the State address, Cuomo said he’s taking on a new job. He’s going to be an advocate for the kids. In fact, Cuomo went so far as to say that he’s going to be the only advocate that kids have.
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CONFER: A warning about the WARN Act
Entrepreneurship has always had its basis in the understanding and handling of the unknown. No business owner has ever known exactly what his customers want, what the markets hold, or what his competitors are doing. But, they’ve always had a good idea about what might happen and, from the theoretical standpoint, what should happen.
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VALLEY: I'm amused by the little things
Am I the only one amused by the fact that few (if any) people have ever seen a woman in a dress like the ones in the fashion section of a newspaper? I’m talking about the illustrated apparel — designed by people with one name — that’s supposed to be what people will be wearing in the next fashion cycle.
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Recognize our hometown heroes
If you haven’t driven through Holley this summer, you’ve missed quite a sight. The light posts and electrical poles throughout the village are adorned with Hometown Heroes banners. Each one recognizes someone from the village who is actively serving in the military. The attractive banners are 72 inches tall and about half as wide and each one is adorned with a large photo of the serviceman/woman along with his or her name and branch.
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VALLEY: Inactive seniors and over-reacting juniors
Have you seen the commercial on television where the young gal who is at the age where she knows everything there is to know about life and the world says something to the effect that a recent study had shown that older people tend to live less of a social life than they did in the past?
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VALLEY: The other side of a tragedy
In late June of 2010, I wrote a column about my friend, Dave Cook. Back then, Dave and his wife, Carol (and daughter, Chelsea) had been through a Hell-ish scare when a liaison with the U.S. Marine Corps had left a message about their son, Sgt. Trevor T. Cook. Trevor was serving in Afghanistan at the time.
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CONFER: The real story behind your power bill
As long as the Public Service Commission allows a pending rate change from National Grid — and there’s no reason they wouldn’t — the electric company’s customers will see significant savings come Jan. 1. The bill for the typical household/apartment will be nearly $9.50 lower per month, while homeowners with families (who use more power) drop by almost $16. That’s $114 and $192 in extra spending money per year. Not too shabby.
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VALLEY: Don't take offense to this
I was making a delivery last week in my Napa pick-up truck when I noticed another truck several car lengths ahead of me. At first, I thought that it, too, was a work truck, because I could see a large sign across the tailgate.
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CONFER: N.Y. should tax public pensions
New York residents are excluded from paying state taxes on the first $20,000 of their retirement income from private pensions. If they happen to be former government workers, though, things are quite different: Local, state, federal and military retirees don’t pay any state tax at all on their publicly-provided pensions, whether it’s $20,000 or $80,000.
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